LIVE IN HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER, [think the same ]
¨
“May
the God of
steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one
another,
in accordance with Christ Jesus… Romans 15:5
¨
“Agree
with one
another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with
you.” [2 Corinthians
13:11]
¨
Be of
the same
mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind….
[Phil 2:2]
To learn how to come
to a consensus, to discover how to make compromises, to find ways to
agree to
disagree. This includes a
discernment
process that involves listening and asking questions, seeking to
understand and
to be understood, rewriting and revisions, face to face encounter,
mediation
and meditation, prayer in which we seek will of God and ask to know the
mind of
Jesus.
If a stranger were to come to our meeting they
might be
surprised by the harmony of our songs. I
have been surprised by the harmony that I have found in the way we seek
to make
decisions together. Other than my
family,
On living in harmony with each other: I had two minds about the value of renting a tux for the prom. There was some disagreement. The process was flawed. After seeing the possible bill, we were all of one mind to consider other options. But things were complicated. Time was short. A suit we though we might purchase rather than rent a tux did not fit well and was not on sale, [a ‘condition’ for me.] We left the store undecided.
In the morning Joy went out to exercise and returned home with a fine Tux on loan from a friend. We bought a pair of pants and found a magnificent vest at value world. In the end we were living in harmony with one another. The truth is I went off thinking that at least I didn’t ruin a perfectly good day, which I am capable of doing.
I find that disagreement comes rather easily, and that agreement takes some time and effort. Harmony in relationships requires maintenance, much like our cars. If we don’t maintain the car, it will not run well. It we don’t maintain the relationship, forge agreements, the relationship will not run well.
Here is the secret to maintaining a good relationship. The secret here is to work at maintaining, regulating and changing yourself rather than your partner. Murray Bowen of the Bowen Family Systems theory says, “Pastoral leadership is about changing self and not about changing others.” With regards to living in community, living in harmony with others, we need to work at changing ones self and not changing others.
With regards to the tux, no one chose to escalate the tension. I have a tendency to become anxious with financial expenses that I have not anticipated. When the price goes up so does my anxiety. This anxiety is not wrong for I think anxiety often works within me to act as a boost for prayer and a creative imagination. The anxiety is not wrong, but what is wrong is for me to spread, to infect my anxiety on others. The disagreement that I was sensing was not between me and my wife or my son, that I was the frugal one and he or she was is the spendthrift, the tension/disharmony was within me, I would suggest that it was a good and natural and recurring tension that exists between the piles of frugality and generosity.
When disagreement emerges within us or our relationships, we need to do more than argue and talk; we need to also pray and be mindful, to take a moment and be quiet, to observe what is happening within us, to listen to the Holy Spirit. For some reason, this is a very hard lesson for me to learn as my tongue is so much quicker to speak than my ear is to listen. This harmony in relationships takes years of practice. This harmony is spiritual before it is relational; it begins within me before it exists between us.
The scripture reads, “Live in harmony with each other.” It is like singing a hymn with different voices that strive to blend together. When our song is not in harmony we work to find a common notes and rhyme. ‘To live in harmony with each other,” is like two horses pulling their plow in the same direction, pulling together in step and in rhythm with each other. When the harmony is missing, when we are not in step with each other, we work to change our own note and find our own step.
Principle #1 Human harmony, change self rather than change the other.
We should learn to expect conflict and disagreements in our relationships. Conflict and disagreement can be beneficial for relationships and communities. We should also learn to expect that we can work out of differences. Expect both disagreement and agreement, both conflict and harmony. And when conflict and disagreement emerges in community and relationships, we should think about changing self and not about changing others. We remove the log from our own eye before we attempt to fix the other guys eye.
[To live in harmony means to practice ‘mutual submission’. In which we learn we don’t always get our own way. Harmony is an inner balance between our femine and masculine, yes and no, challenge and acceptance. The disequilibrium we experience is not a sign of collapse but a sign of our need to adjust and find a new balance.]
Principle #2: Divine
harmony; learn to receive the harmony
of God.
Harmony is not merely the result of a good process or the practice of communication skills. Harmony is in God, in nature, in our genes and our universe. Harmony is order, law, and beauty. Harmony is a healthy ecosystem, organism, and hive. Harmony is the peace of God that passes understanding. Harmony is God’s shalom, God’s life within us. Harmony is not merely something we work to establish but harmony is a power that we experience beyond ourselves in God. A spiritually mature person will exhibit God’s harmony and this harmony will draw forth harmony in others. Harmony is more a matter of the spirit than it is a matter of the mind. The harmonious person is one who knows the peace of God. In conclusion, harmony comes from knowing ourselves, from knowing conflict resolutions skills, but most of all from knowing Jesus. [“To abide in Jesus’]
Questions to ask if there is time left:
1: Do relationships need to have a ‘united front,’ [especially in regards to the discipline of children, money, religious belief, fidelity, life style, the use of pesticides?] See Melissa Gilbert, page 136, ‘…unnecessary to agree and present a untied front?”
2: For more traditional communities harmony may mean intellectual agreement while for more progressive communities harmony is the ability to disagree and maintain harmony of relationships.